27 December 2016

Letting you go by writing this.

last month i decided to post some of my drafts which i never had the guts to post bfr, and some entries that ive reverted into drafts, the good ones and the bad. for some reason i wanted u to know how happy u've made me and i rlly believe u deserve to know that, and how i was at my lowest point when things started to fall apart. the thing is, i know long ago if i keep on dwelling on the past, i will never be happy. orang pun dah bahagia, cukup lah. i know it's wrong bcs i keep on looking for him in every person when in fact i know, sampai bila bila lah sebenarnya aku takkan jumpa lelaki macam kau. You're my past now. i cant keep going back to the one thing that's destroyed me.

i made a new twitter acc as i wanted a fresh start. since spm sebenarnya cakap nak start new, tak sangka sekarang betul betul kena start new. im sorry i keep on saying i want a new life and stuff but pls know deep down i really mean it. i cant keep seeing things that i know at the end of the day, are gonna break me again bcs ive had enough of that. and im sorry that ive always had hard times letting people in and to accept  new people is a bit too much especially right now when im still a mess. im just so damn tired of everything im sorry. i know ive been distancing myself from quiet a lot of people and i shut everyone out including the ones that i really care of. it just seems like the right thing to do at the moment. if not, at least for myself.

and maybe, just maybe. by telling u this i can begin to put my life back together again.

"have you ever been in love, been in love so bad you'd do anything to make them understand"

16 December 2016

sometimes i feel like it's so selfish of me to give up. so selfish of me to think "ive done a lot of fighting these past few years, what makes u think that im gonna fight any more? you want me to fight and then get my heart broken all over again?" im not gonna ask anyone to stay anymore, im sorry. im tired. im sorry ive been cold to a lot of people but pls know im fixing myself. i know i said i promised not to write anything that hurts anymore, but i just had to. I cant keep waiting, and i feel like the only thing that's holding me back from being happy is myself. well the thing is, im scared as fuck. for now, i've had enough. and aku tak ready yet.

02 December 2016

24/ 7/ 2016

orang ingat aku yg jahat. sbb orng dah mintak maaf pun aku still buat taktahu. senang je kan. senang je orang kata lupakan jela semua. senang je orang kata mula jela hidup baru. tapi orang taktau kau go through berbulan bulan almost setahun just nak fix diri kau balik. sebab kau dah biasa hidup dgn dia so kau kena start balik belajar takda dia. orang tengok kita ok senyap je tapi dalam hati ni haaaa. macam macam cerita aku simpan. aku tak boleh nak cerita dekat sesapa. aku simpan semua sbb aku malas nak cakap pasal ni dah. aku dah takda hati nak cakap pasal ni. tapi aku tkada choice. u said ""it's okay"" like u were the one who was bleeding all this time? what do u mean it's okay? haha i was never ok, and u knew it. of course u're sorry now after what u did. but will it change the fact that i was hurt and no one was there to help me? is it ever going to change the fact that i went through it all alone? cakap memang senang. hati aku dah rabak punah semua aku tanggung sorang sorang.